I had a surprisingly unpleasant experience last week while attending a networking event honoring a Middle Eastern dignitary.
There I met an influential CEO that owned several international companies doing business in the Middle East, North Africa (MENA) and Asia. If you've read my book 'The Power of Networking' you know that a good networker focuses on serving others and that includes being skilled at bringing together like-minded people with shared business objectives. I determined this to be a perfect opportunity to make an introduction between my new CEO contact and the CEO guest I had event to this event.
I found my guest in conversation with some people. As we approached him, he turned to acknowledge me. Interpreting this as a sign of welcome, I smiled and said that I wanted to introduce him to my new business contact. To my embarrassment, he gave me a withering look and said "I'm busy now!'"
The best test of good manners is putting up with bad.....
Are you familiar with the expression 'Every tormentor is your teacher?' It means that in every negative interaction there is a lesson to be learned - a gift to be gained or given - if you are open to seeing it. This incident signaled to me that an article on NetiquettEQ is in order.
NetiquettEQ is the marriage of Netiquette and EQ - The higher your EQ - the greater your Netiquette-ability!
According to author Daniel Goleman, the Emotional Intelligence framework consists of five competencies: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills. Effective networking and good Netiquette require mastery of these five competencies. In order to be truly Netiquette savvy, it's important to also understand what networking functions are - and are not.
Netiquette Do's:
1. Practice Detachment: Yes, it is good to set networking objectives before attending, but don't lock into your goals such that you miss opportunities that present themselves. Stay open and receptive to new people and new ideas.
2. Adapt a wealth-conscious mindset: there is more than enough for everyone because we don't all want the same things. Have an attitude of abundance - of giving and of being helpful to others.
3. Give before you Get: expect to give before you get. Instead of asking "what's in it for me" ask instead "How can I help you to meet your goals and objectives"?
4. Be inclusive: be open, warm and generous with your time and with your contacts. Welcome others into your conversations. Everyone should feel welcome to approach your conversation, privacy is inappropriate at networking events!.
5. Be mindful of Time: Networking events are generally a couple of hours in length. Dominating a person's time limits their time and yours - with others.
6. Demonstrate exceptional NetiquettEQ: treat people graciously, be present when engaged in conversation, help those that are new or shy and remember to always thank your hosts - and volunteers - for their hard work.
Netiquette Don'ts:
1. Attach: if you arrive fixated on meeting one specific goal or objective, you'll miss out on an abundance of possibilities and opportunities. You will also give an impression of being cold, unapproachable and self-serving.
2. Adapt a Poverty conscious mindset: this mindset focuses on scarcity and the belief that there isn't enough for everyone. You have witnessed poverty-conscious behavior. There is little enjoyment in their engagements. That is because they are driven by fear of not getting their share of the proverbial pie. Their focus is on themselves exclusively and on what others can do for them. This scarcity mentality always sabotages success in the long term. Don't be a carrier!
3. Take before you Give: this is an entitlement mentality. The belief here is that others are there to serve this person and help him/her to achieve their goals. The best way to make a great impression at networking events and to help yourself if you feel nervous at such events is to focus on helping others. The more you give - the more you receive. It never fails!
4. Be Exclusive: there is never a good reason for bad manners! The purpose of networking events is to meet and connect with others. This is not the place for private and exclusive conversations or to conduct and close business. Private conversations are exclusionary and therefore inappropriate at networking events. Please schedule appropriate times for such exchanges.
5. Monopolize Time: Remember, the purpose of these events is to meet new people and reconnect with those we know. Please be sensitive to time constraints. I usually allow 5 minutes unless I gauge that the other person is highly receptive to our conversation and the feeling is mutual. I'll then allow a bit longer before I disengage to allow each of us to meet and receive others.
6. Demonstrate poor EQ competencies: the rudeness my guest directed at me indicted his being overly attached to his conversation, having a poverty conscious mindset and lacking in the EQ competency of self-regulation - the ability to appropriately monitor and control emotions and behaviors. Such outburst and displays of bad manners will be witnessed by several and rarely forgotten. Please be mindful of your actions and interactions at all times!
I still had some unfinished business to attend to. I remained uncertain as to the cause of my guest's outburst. Could I have committed a cultural faux pas inciting him to behave this way? Did he perceive my approach as too forward or direct for Middle Eastern Netiquette? I needed to find out.
I decided to take a time out and sat on a sofa observing the other guests and their interactions. It wasn't long before a Lebanese gentleman joined me on the sofa. We struck up a conversation. While speaking, we were interrupted continually by a steady stream of Arab men and women that approached wanting to speak to my new friend. Each gave me a cursory glance and quick apology before launching into conversation with my friend. After each conversation, he introduced me. I ended up meeting the Lebanese Minister's entire entourage - thanks to the graciousness and generosity of my new friend!
Having witnessed first-hand the social interactions between my Middle Eastern friends - male and female - I'm comfortable reporting that we demonstrate similar social graces. There will always be poverty-conscious people - they are not exclusive to any race or nationality. I left feeling a great connectivity to the lovely men and women who extended warmth and kindness to include me in their conversations and help me to make connections. I deem them very Netiquette-worthy and demonstrates that when it comes down to the human element - we are all indeed 99.9% the same!